


Him

by haosmullet



Series: 30 Stories for 30 Songs [11]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Creams, M/M, Maybe a sequel?, Mentions of alcohol, Random Song Challenge, just to make it softer, not jaeyong tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18811651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haosmullet/pseuds/haosmullet
Summary: Part 11: Jaeyong;Song 10: Her [어울려요] - Mino





	Him

It really matched him; that pastel blue bottom-up t-shirt and the way he styled it to fit his aura perfectly. The deem lights of the living room packed with random people only adding for him to stand out even more on Jaehyun’s eyes. It suited him very well, the way his brown hair contoured his face, slightly messy, slightly casual. The way he just simply stood there, leaned on some sort of balcony, observing the rest of the party do what he had been invited to do. 

It didn’t match him, on the other hand, those sad lost eyes, looking for someone he - and Jaehyung, even for hearing about it for so long - knew couldn’t give back the love he was giving. It hurt hearing from the beginning. Feeding feeling for his best friend was certainly not a good choice, to start with. 

 

On that night, when Taeyong was over at his dorm for movies, Jaehyung sensed something different. His rosy cheeks, he seemed slightly happier than usual. As the boy narrated his perfect encounter with this engineering major on the campus coffee shop, how he felt incredible for actually getting his number, Jaehyun faked a smile back. 

His wish, always, was for Taeyong to be happy. He should’ve acted on his feelings earlier, he should’ve tried, but he was too scared. He was scared of losing the boy for those stupid selfish feelings, he was scared of never being able to enjoy his presence on the same way, and he let it slide through days, and weeks, and months. He let another one try it on his place. And he should be compliant with such because he was the one who never even said anything about how much he just wanted to go out on a date on the park, or on a dinner on some cheesy romantic restaurant, or just stay at home watching some overrated romantic comedy. He would do so, he would just accept if Taeyong was happy. With whomever it was. He should. 

However when Taeyong mentioned ‘friend with benefits’, he knew that was not his happily ever after. Taeyong would brush it off, act as if it was his choice also, as if he wanted that, as if that was the best for him when his eyes, his voice screamed that those were lies. Jaehyun knew that, he felt that as if it was his own feelings. The perfect castle that Taeyong was painting could only be a home for himself. 

 

Their movie nights slowly turned to long sessions of Taeyong just sadly complaining about not taking their relationship anymore to the same guys running through Jaehyun’s door when the so perfect engineering major would text him. It became harder and harder to see how that was affecting Taeyong, and the situation only made Jaehyun feel worse, since he should be the one by the boy’s side. He should’ve taken courage and just confessed, he should’ve forgotten about fears of what they would become. Their friendship slowly being revolved around regrets and mistakes. 

Jaehyun started to go on those campus parties, similar one to the one he was on that moment, just to be a company for the boy, who was just too scared to keep on failing with his one sided love. He couldn’t say no to Taeyong, he wouldn’t specially on a situation in which he blamed himself; for the outcome, for not being more active previously. 

It hurt him a lot to watch the boy just simply run around that guy, who cared so little about him. To sim him drinking more and more, intoxicated with alcohol until Jaehyun would have to take him home; that didn’t match him at all. His lost figure, besides that absent love, it did not match. The way his eyes searched for that guy, holding a glass of some sort of strong liquor, probably, did not match what Taeyong’s heart deserved. 

 

‘You’re here!’ the boy said, faking some kind of joy. He did not belong there, on that party. It was not him. 

‘I’m always here’ Jaehyun returned him a half smile, since that would go along better with how both of them felt. ‘Are you not dancing, why are you quiet here?’ 

‘I.. I was dancing but I’m tired now, I’m taking a break’ another clear lie. His eyes running through the crowded living room, still. 

‘Where’s he?’ 

‘What?’ Taeyong looked, half surprised, at Jaehyun, as if he was a child being caught red-handed. 

‘Where’s Sungjae? Didn’t you come with him?’ 

‘Oh.. yes I did. He’s.. I think he’s somewhere.. Chatting with someone. I don’t really know.’ his voice gradually getting lower, his eyes meeting the ground. Jaehyun knew the answer, he was never there. They’d always come together but he was never there for more than 2 minutes. He just asked out of pure hope for Taeyong. Stupid hope. 

‘I’m here now. So, we can have our fun, right?’ 

 

What wouldn’t Jaehyun do to get a single smile on that pretty face? He honestly missed that, having fun with Taeyong, not having to be worried about when would that guy make him run away, make him to crawl back for some attention. He missed just having Taeyong’s attention, not sharing it with someone who couldn’t appreciate it. They danced, they finally shared a dance after such a long time just waiting around. It felt like there was only Taeyong on the room for Jaehyun, like the whole universe had stopped just to give him that special couple minutes enjoying the boy’s presence, his momentary joy, to have a taste of what it could be. 

‘Taeyong?’ Jaehyun heard the voice coming from behind the boy who now carried a scared and surprised expression on his face. Jaehyun could see the guy’s hands slipping through his best friend's waist, being himself not needed there anymore. He made his way out of the crowd, once again making his way out of that situation. 

 

He wanted to give that guy some sort of trusting card, for once. He thought that maybe he would see how wonderful Taeyong was, and even though he had been such an idiot through all that time they were on that friends-with-benefits thing, maybe he would see the light someday. Maybe that was not what he wanted after all. To lose his love forever, to let it slide through his hands before he even tried. Was that too selfish to wish that the engineering fake prince charming would just get away on some random white horse and go somewhere else? 

 

His presence only lasted close to 20 minutes. After that, Taeyong got back to his position over the balcony, glass on his hand, sad expression on his eyes; this time, staring deadly the guy, dancing with somebody else just like he was dancing with him 2 seconds ago. It hurted Jaehyun as much as it hurted Taeyong. It was painful to see the one he loved experiencing pain like that. The fear, that stupid fear had to go away for good. He had to end that, he had to do something, at least to try something for once. He needed to get rid of that sad eyes, of that lost expression. 

‘Let’s get out of here?’ Jaehyun said, a little exhasperated, too rushed, almost like he was running away himself. ‘Let’s just go somewhere else.’ And Taeyong agreed, half-heartedly, teary eyes asking Jaehyun for help. 

 

Silence was what fell through them as they walked down the street, some stores still opened, some people still going around. There was nothing to talk about, but there was so much to be told; so much going on Jaehyun’s head that h dind’t even know where to start. 

‘Come with me.’ he tried simply, making a sudden shift on the path they were taking. 

 

The ice-cream shop close to their dorm. He knew it would be open; they were faithful clients of that shop after all. Jaehyun told the other boy to get them a table as he would buy them the so needed candies; Jaehyun already feeling half-victorious for receiving a small shy smile from his best friend with tear stained cheeks. 

‘I got your favorite. With extra syrup. And M&M tops’ Jaehyun presneted the boy the ice-cream masterpiece, almost feeling too proud of his order. Taeyong stared at the desert, sharing the same half-hearted smile. 

‘Thank you, Jae.’ 

 

Silence once again met them, as they started to eat their ice-creams. Jaehyun’s mind running in circles, getting too desperate about the situation. He just wanted to hug the boy and never let him go ever again, bever let anything or anyone hurt him again. The way he just blankly stared at the table was killing Jaehyun inside. He needed to get back to him, he had to. 

 

‘Why are you doing this?’ he acertively said, almost regretting it right on that exact second. 

‘Doing what?’ 

‘Why are you with this guy? He doesn’t care about you.’ 

‘That’s.. Not it. You know that, Jae.’ 

‘That’s exactly it, Tae. And you know that. We’ve talked about that millions, trillions of times before. But you’re always back at him begging for some small attention. Why?’ Jaehyun let out, all of his frustration on that topic getting out of him along with the present fear of losing the boy; tears starting to form at the back of his eyes on regret. He wasn’t trying to hurt Taeyong, he just wanted him to be happier, better. 

‘I don’t know why! I don’t know! I can’t! I’m trapped in this!’ Taeyong’s cheeks once again met the sad, desperate tears. ‘And why do you even care so much? I’m the one who’s locked in it!’ The desperation turning into annoyance as fast as the ice cream started to melt down. 

‘Because I love you, damn! I love you, Taeyong, don’t you know that? Can’t you see that?’ Jaehyun’s own tears could be seen now, not handling all that chaotic situation well, not following his plans to save their world. ‘I love you and I want you to be happy, and it hurts me to see you sad, and hopeless, thinking that it should be me, it could’ve been me making you smile, and making you happy.’ 

Taeyong froze, wide-eyed, maybe too shocked to even reply. Jaeyun fell silent also, not knowing what to say anymore, not knowing if he needed to say that. After what felt like forever, but 2 minutes on reality, Taeyong let out a sigh, staring back down to their table. 

‘Listen, I don’t need you to share my feelings. I don’t need pity or anything. I just want you to get away from this guy, I just want you to be happy and to-’ 

‘You’re right’ 

‘I- About what?’ 

‘Everything.’ 

‘Taeyong, I-’ 

‘I’ve been blind. I’ve been treated badly, I’ve been running after someone who doesn’t care about me, or my feelings, or what I like. I’ve been thorugh all of this with you and you still loved me, and you were still on my side. After all of this?’ 

‘Of course.’ Jaehyun replied, not really understanding the course of that conversation, not knowing what to expect next. 

‘I was careless enough not to see that was right in front of me. I’m very sorry. For hurting you for months.’ his tears still streaming down his face like two thin rivers. ‘And- And.. I will I will try to get out of this. I will, I have to, I need to because I can’t anymore, right?’ 

‘Yes. You can’t.’ 

‘And then we can come back here and have an ice-cream date properly, right? So we can try and make me happier?’ 

‘I would love to make you happy, Taeyong. If you’d let me.’ 

‘I want to. I want you to.’ Their tears couldn’t be stopped, a mixture of feelings, of thoughts. Taeyong reached for Jaehyun’s hands, grabbing them, squeezing them. Jaehyun felt as if that warmness could heal his wounds, he expected that it could also heal Taeyong’s. He had to.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> So, what did you think? Did you like it? Tell me!  
> Please, leave comments, suggestions, or anything you want! \o 
> 
> If you wish to request me something, or just chat about kpop, hit my dm on twitter @mhaosmullet!  
> Here: https://twitter.com/mhaosmullet 
> 
> See ya!


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